Scenario: You are the proud owner of a big ass pickup truck, the kind strong enough to move the International Space Station. It’s Monday morning at 9 a.m. You just realized you forgot to get more beer. As you run out, you decide to throw some things in the back of your truck to show everyone how many cool things you can carry.

Which of the following can you carry safely in the back of your truck while driving along Interstate 285 in Atlanta? (Hint: more than one answer is acceptable.)

1) A ladder                                                          6) A jar of urine

2) A pile of boulders                                       7) A jet ski

3) A poisonous snake                                     8) A bunch of rusty nails

4) A coil of barbed wire                                9) An affordable two-story home

5) A soiled mattress                                      10) Drunken Santa

If you said all of the above, you are absolutely right. Please carry as many of these things in the back of your truck as you can at all times, particularly around 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. In order to ensure proper functioning, refrain from securing anything with a tarp or rope. It is advisable to drink no more than three 20 oz beers before hauling these materials on the interstate, though individual driver tolerances may vary.

Whatever you do, always follow the person in front of you very, very closely.

Remember, the best measure of interstate safety is how awesome your truck makes you feel. Go get ’em, champ.